I had a dream I was attending a women’s Aglow meeting. As I entered the meeting room, two ladies walked up to greet me. One said, “We have something against you.” Unfazed by this comment, I replied, “Okay, what is it?”, she confronted me with, “You’re frumpy,” and then the other lady looked me up and down and added, “Oh yeah, you’re frumpy alright.”
That was it, just, “You’re frumpy. No further explanation.” For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this term, it refers to being unstylish, boring, old fashion, dowdy and I might add a bit lumpy.
As I pondered the dream, I thought, “Who were these ladies anyway? And why would they say such a thing?” I didn’t really understand the meaning of the dream, so I filed it away in my dream journal. One day, about a month later, as I was walking down the hallway it hit me, “I’m the two ladies in the dream, I’m the one who thinks I’m frumpy, I’m the one who has something against me.” Wow, now there’s a wakeup call.
Fifteen years earlier I had gained 50 pounds sitting at a desk job and eating lunch out with my coworkers every day. After buying some larger sized clothing, I felt like I needed to put the brakes on somehow.
I declared, “I will never weigh more than I do today and I will never wear a size bigger.” I didn’t realize this declaration meant I had actually accepted the extra 50 pounds. I had accepted frumpy. Please do not think that I judge every full-figured woman as frumpy, as many are quite stylish and very beautiful.
I had internalized myself as frumpy. I was unaware I had let these extra pounds become part of my identity. I began to access the damage. These extra pounds had become a stronghold in my life eroding my confidence and my self-image. I no longer wanted to wear dresses and I purposely found clothing that would mask my self-disapproval.
The sneaky thing about strongholds is we are often unaware we have them. That’s what gives them such a strong hold on us. To be really free in this area, I needed a transformation from the inside out. I had proven over the past 15 years that sheer will power and self-effort were pretty much useless and my declaration which I thought to be a good thing served only to lock me into being overweight and frumpy.
My soul had been wounded.
I could blame it on menopause. I could blame it on age. I could blame it on the cold winter months of Pennsylvania, but excuses would only serve to keep me stuck. I had tried to deal with it myself a few times only to get knocked back down and have the door of captivity slammed in my face. (Too harsh? Perhaps, but still true.)
It wasn’t just about wearing pretty dresses anymore. My health began to feel the weight of it. Sometimes, we let things go because we are unaware of the real damage that is taking place and other times we just give up after multiple failures.
Psalm 23 is a powerful picture of God’s love and care for us;
“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.”
The path of self-effort hadn’t work. I needed the good shepherd to lead me in His path. I needed my soul restored.
I needed the path of righteousness powered by the grace of God through faith. I asked the Lord to help me sort this out and I began meditating on the promises that declare the power of God is our victory.
God gave me a plan energized by His great love and I lost 35 pounds through a system I could live with and manage. I began to see His beauty for my ashes. It wasn’t just about the outward change, my inner beauty was being restored.
After all, beauty and frumpy are both more than skin deep.