I had a dream one night I was attending a women’s Aglow meeting. As I entered the meeting room, two ladies came up to me. One said, “We have something against you.” Undaunted by this comment, I replied, “Okay, what is it?” “You’re frumpy,” she said and then the other lady looked me up and down and added, “Oh yeah, you’re frumpy.”
That was it, just, “You’re frumpy.” For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this term, if refers to being unstylish, boring, old fashion and dowdy and I might add lumpy.
Who were these ladies anyway? And why would they say I was frumpy? At first, I really didn’t understand the meaning of the dream so I filed it away in my dream journal. One day, a month or so later, it hit me as I was walking down the hallway, “I’m the two ladies in the dream, I’m the one who thinks I’m frumpy, I’m the one who has something against me.”
Wow, there’s a wakeup call. I didn’t realize the damage an extra 50lbs. was doing to my self-image. Fifteen years earlier as I was hovering around 178 lbs, I made a declaration, “I will never weigh more than 180 lbs. and I will never wear a size 16.” Somehow, I thought these were acceptable limitations. I did not realize by making this declaration I had actually accepted the extra 50lbs. I had accepted “frumpy.” Please do not think that I judge every full-figured woman as frumpy, as many are quite stylish and very beautiful. It was my view of myself. It was what it was doing to me. And as a woman thinks in her heart; so is she.
I was totally unaware I had let these extra pounds become part of my identity. I no longer felt good about wearing dresses and I was choosing to wear clothing that would mask the inner shame and self-disapproval I had allowed.
The strange thing about strongholds is we are usually unaware we have them. That’s what gives them such a strong hold on us. To really be free in this area, I needed a transformation from the inside out. I had proven over the past 15 years will power and self-effort were pretty much useless and my declaration which I thought was a good thing (since I saw it as at least putting the brakes on) had only locked me into 50 lbs overweight with a frumpy self-image.
I could blame it on menopause. I could blame it on age. I could blame it on the cold winter months of Pennsylvania but excuses would only serve to keep me stuck where I was.
I believe one of the first steps to change is seeing how our beliefs and attitudes are hurting us. Many never repent because they feel trapped and have lost hope in ever changing. Or is it possible that we really do enjoy our self-indulgences of the flesh and don’t want to see the death it is producing in us. Hmmm.
It wasn’t just about wearing pretty clothes; my health was actually beginning to feel the weight.
I didn’t really have a plan of attack. First, I needed my inner soul restored by the love of God. Psalm 23 is a powerful picture of God’s love and care for us; “The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.”
The path of self-effort hadn’t work. I had tried to deal with it myself a few times only to get knocked back down and have the door of captivity slammed in my face. (Too harsh? Perhaps, but still true.) I needed the path of righteousness powered by the grace of God through faith. I asked the Lord to help me sort this out and began meditating on the Word of God.
Verses like, Rom 6:14, “For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Verses that declare the power of God is our victory.
God gave me a plan powered by His great love for me and I lost 35 lbs. I began to see His beauty for my ashes. It wasn’t just the weight on the outside but the restoration of my inner beauty, after all, frumpy and beauty are more than skin deep.